It’s pain I’ve been missing apparently to make the leaps and bounds in my growing up. Why is it however that we have to suffer so much in order to grow? Isn’t there an easier way?
God I would hope so.
But from what I’ve figured out, pain is the biggest motivator. It can lead you to throw in the towel on a marriage, fight for your freedom in front of a judge and go toe to toe with a police officer if you have to.
Pain drags up the bravest part of you when you are least like yourself because that is what is required in the moment.
You cannot feel better, or comforted or soothed. The bruises and arguments and yelling and screaming have made you deaf and numb to any solace that is offered. Curled up in a primal emotional fetal position in bed is all you can do some days, while other days offer guttural cries to God whom you feel has completely abandoned you.
No, you were not abandoned or rejected by that guy, for he never even saw you in the first place. Not your worth. Not your value. Not your beauty. Not your light. Fat or thin, young or old, you were nothing but supply for his bottomless vampirical sucking of the life out of you.
But you survived because it’s God’s will. And you survived because you are made of light and of worth and of value and of beauty and your job is to shine so that others can find their way. That is your sole purpose for being here.
It might not seem like a life worth living, but it is the life you are living. Offering hope where there none to be found. Comfort to the wailing grief stricken and heart broken and a dwelling place for the army of angels who surround you so that you remain strong and healthy and bold and confident and even in your terrified moments – you know that you are surrounded with God and his angels who protect you from the demons, the low based energy that seek to destroy you. No, you are not a mere mortal…. you are an earth angel and for that, my friends, you are a force to be reckoned with the likes that the vampirical demon has never seen. Nor will he ever again.
Go on and continue being strong. It’s your gift from God. It’s your purpose, your mission and your breath. Allow it to quench your soul and to beam the light directly from you into the hearts of those who are broken and alone; those who have been through hell and maybe are still there. And when it’s time for you to rest, know that you served with all your might and no matter how much others suffer, know that you ended the suffering in your own soul and pierced the gritty primal greatness in others.
Let it be so.